love letter

ever since that broad swath of time bestowed upon us, in this–our 20th anniversary year, i’ve had trouble fitting back into our narrow lives

most challenging is bedtime, as i find myself all keyed up at a time of night when i’m typically drifting off

as Casey sleeps soundly beside me, i begin to write this post in my mind, stemming from a conversation i had with our teenage son

lloyd has recently initiated a series of questions around my own teen years–which i find both amusing and alerting–as i’m uncertain as to what’s prompting his curiosity

the other day when read my latest post,  i’m not in love, to his father, i was surprised to find Lloyd listening from the back seat of the car

What?” he says, pulling out his ear buds, “YOU were at a drag race?”

i hesitate to respond because i feel conflicted–should i defend my youthful adventure or should i protect my son from the mistakes i made–and from making his own in my footsteps?

Because of my writing life, Lloyd knows more about my past than most kids care to know of their parents, and this last bit of information seems to crystallize something in his head, resulting in this follow up:

Were you popular or something, Mom?  Why did that guy want to be with you?

As I go uncharacteristically mute, my husband gallantly answers from the driver’s seat, “Look at her,” he says. “She’s beautiful.

Now, the entire car goes mute until my youngest puts down his latest graphic novel and asks, “What’s a drag race?”

In bed that night, I think about the perceptions forming inside my teen’s head, and I wonder, why doesn’t he ask his dad more about his youth?  Then,  I smile shyly, remembering Casey’s compliment about my beauty–and I wonder when will Lloyd ask Casey the next logical question in this fairytale about his mother.

Why you?  Why did mom choose you?

As i begin to answer this imaginary question on behalf of my betrothed–who is now snoring beside me–I drift off to sleep myself, thinking what a sweet love letter this would be…


(and how about you?  what magic made you choose the man or women with whom you share your heart?)


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