20 Years & Working It!

Kelly Salasin

Given that our wedding didn’t quite flow as expectedmy fiance was terribly hungover, my mom almost didn’t make it, the photographer was late, the flowers were the wrong color…. we always thought that a milestone anniversary would be a great time for a do over.

So here we are approaching the big 2-0, and the truth is, I’m not sure I’d marry this guy. I mean I wouldn’t dump him, but let’s just say,  Wedding bells aren’t in the air.

The truth is that we’d both prefer to obliterate our anniversary date and get a new one.  We’re thinking of August--the month our love affair blossomed–rather than the dismay of May 1990 when my new husband ended our bruised wedding day by dropping me over the threshold.

This year, however,  we are simply going to celebrate.  And we’ve already begun–with a surprise parenting reprieve on New Year’s Weekend during which we whisked ourselves away for an overnight at a local hotel, complete with dinner, drinks and a movie.  It was good.

Our next celebratory event is: a marital retreat–which probably isn’t the safest bet in the year a comedy is released with the same name, but we didn’t know that when we set our sights.

The best part is that we feel like we’ve won it.  “Winning” something can really bring a couple close.  And better yet, it was my husband who was the winner.  He wrote the essay to request the partial scholarship that we were awarded which is making it reasonable for us to attend. (Us older couples are all about being “reasonable.”)

If all goes well at the Love, Sex and Intimacy workshop than we’ll be set for our next goal:  a  5 day getaway. We’re saving up the points to make that happen. We hope someone nice will take the kids.

Despite our 15 years of parenting, we’ve only managed a few overnights and one or two weekends away from them.   And that’s just not working for us anymore.

Back in my Al-Anon days, I learned the saying,

It works if you work it.

So that’s what we’re doing.  We’re “working” at our marriage this twentieth anniversary year more than ever–working at celebrating it and working to create the space and skills and sensitivity it needs to thrive into its next decade.

Wedding bells may be in the air for our 21st. Who needs a milestone!

(To read more about our 20th Anniversary Year journey with intimacy click here.)


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